Questions and Prayer

So tomorrow, well today, I am starting a Bible study with a group of guys. It is in these moments that I begin to wonder a lot of things and begin to ask more questions that usual. I begin to wonder things like, “will anyone actually show up”, “will this Bible study be beneficial to those who attend”, “am I prepared enough for this”, “am I the right person to be facilitating this”, “am I going into this for the right motives”, and “will God be glorified during this time through the growth of fellowship and discipleship”? It is in these times that make me question myself even more beyond the realms of this Bible study and ask hard questions about myself. I wonder “am I really becoming a disciple of Jesus Christ”, “am I an effective tool for The Kingdom”, “do people truly accept me for me with all of my faults as well as my gifts or am I just being humored”, and “is the Simpson Community, and those around me better off and being built up from God working through me”, or “am I just doing what I want, ignoring God’s desires for my life, and tearing people and this community down”? Some of these questions I feel God has answered, some left unanswered, and some are yet to be seen. I know that I want to serve God with all my heart. I want love God more every day and become a better disciple of him, and I want to help others do the same. There is however a difference between intentions and actions.
Now I’m sure this might sounds rather pessimistic or even self destructive, but I believe that it is good for us from time to time to sit back and ponder such questions as these. It is good for us to turn introspectively and examine our life and our motives for what we do. I ask these questions not to bring myself down, but I ask these questions in the hope that I might continue to be sharpened so that I might be a more effective tool for The Kingdom. As for the Bible study, I am excited about it, slightly scared but excited. One would think that you would get use to things like this after leading Bible studies for years now, but part of it still scares me.
My prayer is this that God would be in control. I pray that my motives would be pure, my heart would beat in sync with God’s heart, and that I would follow his leading always. I pray that God would be glorified, and that true community would be formed. I pray that this group would find true communion amongst each other and put God at the center.
Sorry if this blog was a little confusing, I’m quite tired and now I’m off to bed.