Death of Mediocrity

Tonight I was out on my nightly walk with God about ready to go in when I heard the sound of a car flipping so I ran over to 299 where I found one destroyed car and one person lying lifeless on the ground. There were several people there already calling 911. A 20ish year old kid lost control of his car and rolled 5 times apparently. I watched as he died in the ambulance. All of which happen about 20 minutes ago. It’s a weird thing to watch someone die, it all seems so surreal, but yet I still have the mental picture of him lying contorted and lifeless on the ground except for a few gasps gargled of breath which I can only assume is from internal bleeding. Its one of those things you just don’t know what to do with. Part of me wants to weep, part of me wants to brush it off. It’s scary to think that this could happen to almost anyone. Seeing death first hand is a sobering thing. The worst thing is sitting here wondering whether this young man is now in hell or in heaven. If I had to guess by his attire and a few CD’s lying on the ground I would guess no. I have never really had to face death so personally before, I still have all 4 grandparents, never lost a best friend in high school, I lost friends but never anyone terribly close. But to witness it first hand is even harder, I know people who have seen things far worse than what I witnessed tonight, but the thought of this guy being in hell right now tears my heart to the core. It feels as though my heart just wants to burst out of my chest because of the painful thought of where this kid could be right now. As Christians we are good at loving Jesus, but I wonder has anyone ever told this young about Jesus. Has anyone ever taken the time to love him enough to tell him there is more than just this life? I think often the reason we suck at telling people about Jesus is the fact that we don’t really care. Lets be honest we may love Jesus but do we really love the people he loves? Do we really care enough that we will do what ever it takes to see that no one ends up in hell? Or do we just do tell people about Jesus when it’s easy, when it’s convenient, when it’s not hard? I’m not trying to condemn anyone; I’m just merely speculating a renewed passion to love God and the people whom he loves. I think another we reason that we suck at telling people about Jesus is that we take this life for granted, in fact we take everyday for granted. I can only picture the phone call this kids parents will get tonight. The pain, the crying, the disbelief at never seeing their son again. Even as I write this all I want to do is call my parents and tell them how much I love them. I think it’s time we stepped up as Christians. I think it’s time we really truly made the most of everyday, encouraging others, telling others about Jesus, and praising our God for this very day that we have been blessed with. I’m done for now, I know there is no real conclusion to this other than my to do list for tomorrow. Tell my parents I love them, tell my friends how much they mean to me, and sell the motorcycle.

Poetic rants of a honey barbeque Fritos

Here I sit captivated by the faint but sweet glow of the twinkling lights above. It is almost as if the heavens themselves are beating with the heart of God and singing his praises. As I sit here I am captivated the vast wonder that surrounds me. The warm still summer air makes it seem as though I am being cocooned in the night itself. However as I stare up towards the heavens I am comforted by starry host. It feels almost as if the stars themselves are a medium shinning forth God love and greatness. Even though I may feel small and insignificant in retrospect to all that is around me I am comforted by the melodic twinkling as if God himself was telling me that I am wrapped in his arms and there is nothing that could tare me from his grasp. And here I sit pondering the questions of life and love. Neither following one train of thought nor coming to any real conclusions. I sit just absorbing reality of the breadth of God and his intersection in life. Here I sit searching the very chasms of my soul in an attempt to capture who I am and who is it that God want me to be. The answer comes as a cataclysmic crash of God touching the very deep dark places of my inner most being, shinning the light of his glory and erasing whatever feeble half hearted attempts to follow him on my own, which as usual have terminated in dismal failure. I am aghast in the reality of my plight. There is nothing merited nor warranted for the love that God shows me. I do not deserve the embrace of the almighty, but alas here I sit in his presence taken back to a place of overflowing love and grace. Here I sit in the presence of Yahweh eating honey barbeque Fritos staring at the stars and listening to their song, “glory, glory, glory, to God in the highest who was and is, and is to come.”

TGI Friday's

It’s a funny thing how life works. Growing up, and even still to this day, my favorite TV show of all time is Boy Meets World. I remember watching new episodes of seasons 2 and up on TGI Friday’s on ABC. As I watched this show growing up I always wanted to be like Cory. I wanted to be the one with the best friend, always pulling pranks, the one who had Mr. Fenny as a teacher to give them advise, and of course the one who gets the girl. The other night as I was watching my nightly episode before going to sleep I came to a deep realization. I had not become Cory at all like I once wanted to so many years ago, if fact I had become Eric. I am the older brother who dose outlandish things, most of which are seem stupid and outlandish to everyone around me, but what do I care I’m happy and entertained. I am the one who has stood by and watch his friends go off and get married and start new lives, while I still wait for someone who can handle my zaniness. I in no way feel any of this is a bad thing, I just found it interesting to stand back and look at who I wanted to be many years ago averses who I ended up becoming. It’s a funny thing how life turns out. Rarely dose it ever turn out like we plan it would, but when we follow God it always turns out for the better. There are aspects to being like Cory that are appealing, but I can’t see myself as being anything but who God has created me to be. Life is good, and I’m excited to see what God dose next.

Intoxicating

So today was multicultural day or something like that in Chapel. For some people it’s a day off, for others it’s a chance to represent your heritage and culture, and for others it’s just another day. For me it was just another chaotic-three hours of sleep-day. However God decided to just turn my day upside down. All I knew going into today was that there was going to be songs in Hmong. It turns out that there was a song in Hmong, Spanish, and English. There was scripture reading in Thai and prayer in Chinese. It was really amazing to worship God together in one heart but different languages.
Galatians 4:3-6 “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit – just as you were called to one hope when you were called – one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.”
What really struck me was afterwards I had a few minutes so I was walking around chatting it up, and I saw this girl all by herself just crying. Now this was only slightly awkward. So I was going around trying to find a girl to pray with her and finally found someone. It turns out that this girl was so moved by God and this chapel it just brought her to tears as she sat there and sobbed for a good five minutes. How amazing is that? It’s been a while since I have taken time out of my busy life to stop and just bask in God glory to the point that I cried. God is so bigger than we give Him credit for. This just really touched me that someone was so touched by God this morning that I had to blog about it even though I’m in class
My prayer for today comes from the David Crowder’s Intoxicating “Inebriating You are to me. Completely captivating You are to see. Sending my world spinning You are, You see”

Questions and Prayer

So tomorrow, well today, I am starting a Bible study with a group of guys. It is in these moments that I begin to wonder a lot of things and begin to ask more questions that usual. I begin to wonder things like, “will anyone actually show up”, “will this Bible study be beneficial to those who attend”, “am I prepared enough for this”, “am I the right person to be facilitating this”, “am I going into this for the right motives”, and “will God be glorified during this time through the growth of fellowship and discipleship”? It is in these times that make me question myself even more beyond the realms of this Bible study and ask hard questions about myself. I wonder “am I really becoming a disciple of Jesus Christ”, “am I an effective tool for The Kingdom”, “do people truly accept me for me with all of my faults as well as my gifts or am I just being humored”, and “is the Simpson Community, and those around me better off and being built up from God working through me”, or “am I just doing what I want, ignoring God’s desires for my life, and tearing people and this community down”? Some of these questions I feel God has answered, some left unanswered, and some are yet to be seen. I know that I want to serve God with all my heart. I want love God more every day and become a better disciple of him, and I want to help others do the same. There is however a difference between intentions and actions.
Now I’m sure this might sounds rather pessimistic or even self destructive, but I believe that it is good for us from time to time to sit back and ponder such questions as these. It is good for us to turn introspectively and examine our life and our motives for what we do. I ask these questions not to bring myself down, but I ask these questions in the hope that I might continue to be sharpened so that I might be a more effective tool for The Kingdom. As for the Bible study, I am excited about it, slightly scared but excited. One would think that you would get use to things like this after leading Bible studies for years now, but part of it still scares me.
My prayer is this that God would be in control. I pray that my motives would be pure, my heart would beat in sync with God’s heart, and that I would follow his leading always. I pray that God would be glorified, and that true community would be formed. I pray that this group would find true communion amongst each other and put God at the center.
Sorry if this blog was a little confusing, I’m quite tired and now I’m off to bed.

Good and Hairy Moments

So I am now back at school and into the full swing of things. Today was our first chapel and it was a praise and worship chapel. In all honesty I have been slightly dreading this chapel because whenever there is music for chapel I only get 3-4 hours of sleep and most of the time that means that two nights a week I get no sleep. So I realized yesterday how much I had actually been dreading this thought. So yesterday I decided that I need to train someone else to set up at night so I can get more sleep because my sleep, health, and sanity are worth far more. I will still do sound, just not setup. Anywho because of this fact I got up at 6:15 this morning so I could shower and pack my bag for class. Part of my getting ready this morning involved shaving, which normally quite the mundane task is a challenge with little to no light as so to not wake my roommate up. Now fast forward to the middle of the day when I had to go to the bathroom and upon looking in the mirror I realized that I had missed a large spot on the bottom under my chin. I was now faced with the realization that I had gone around all morning with one awkward and hairy splotch under my chin. Now I like to think that I’m not really a self-conscious person. I wear what I want because I like it, and yes I love my pink shirt, and I act the way I do because… well there is probably something wrong with me. I like to think that I don’t care about what other people think of me, but I was surprised at how self-conscious I became upon realizing my rather hairy mistake, and that NO ONE had said anything about it. There was nothing I could do about it except wait for class to be over, which was several hours from this point. In all reality it probably wasn’t that noticeable and for the most part it really did slip my mind for the rest of the day. I guess this whole ordeal is just an eye opener that, I’m not as perfect. It is also good to know that my friends are my friends not because of what I am on the outside but who I am on the inside. Either that or my friends are not as close as I give them credit for, but I doubt that because they all are truly amazing people. So back to this morning, we had some technical difficulties during chapel, but the band did amazing and God was glorified through song, prayer, communion, and fellowship which was absolutely amazing, and makes the three hours of sleep I got last night worth every moment to know that I could be an instrument in helping provide that time for others. God is good all the time even when the world around me isn’t.

Marinating in God and Work

I guess I begin to write this because I am in writing mood. Odd I know, I guess I must be ready to go back to school or something crazy like that. This break has been not what I would have expected, but it has been awesome. I spent the first week doing absolutely nothing but watching TV and hanging out with people. The last two weeks have been overrun with work. I was blessed to pick up work with my old boss (in construction) who is currently trying to finish off his house, so we have been going full bore. Between Tuesday and Wednesday of this week I work 30 hours and if you include Monday, that makes it an even 40. Needless to say that I spent my Christmas trying to catch up on sleep and fell asleep by 12:20 on New Years. It has been good though, despite still being a little tired and sore. My favorite part of this trip has to be going with Matt, Brian, and James to Jenna and Ian’s hometown of Oakhurst, for their 24 worship session. I can’t think of a better way to work my way into this next semester than by serving God with the gifts and talents that he has given me and by taking time to worship Him with my friends. Maybe its being tired, maybe it’s the joy of having a day off of work, I’m not sure, but right now of is one of those moments where I feel completely wrapped in the love, peace, and joy of God. It’s amazing to just feel at peace and full of God’s joy. It may be only for a short season but I am enjoying it while it lasts. I do look forward to going back to school, I miss all my friends there and I am excited to see them again, but it is always odd when one season comes to an end and another begins even when the season to come is good. In the mean time I will enjoy hanging out with my friends for this last little bit of carefree time marinating in God’s love and praising Him with my heart, my soul, my mind, and my strength. God is good. And the worship team did an absolutely amazing Job, it truly is a blessing to serve along side you guys.